What would you do if something that hide behind you for long time has opened? What if it revealed the truth? What if the truth were more likely a sword to your heart than a word to be heard? That was our choice, to close the ears then act like nothing happen, or listen tho it’s hurt too much that you wanna die. For me, the second one is always the choice.
I just heard something really bad about me and friends. I actually knew this before someone told me. But I was like keeping it only for my self. It’s not good at all. Yet I tried to end up with “so I was bad. Ok I’ll keep walking away. I don’t know. Never heard about it.”. Because if I flashback to my faults, I would be like a condemned soul. I would be so paranoid, panic, I feel like a sinner. So I tried so hard to be cool.
I don’t need to tell about the truth. It’s enough to make me anti-social for some months. The person told me to keep calm, but I can’t. You know, when someone remind you about your faults that already buried, it becomes rise again and fulfill your head. And for some moments, the sin we made, the words came out, the bad attitude we did suddenly appear, then you feel blank before you realized that you really WERE wrong. That’s just how I felt. But after all the chaos we made, the pressure we got, are we doing good now?
Though I know that it was my faults too, I couldn’t accept if they were talking bad about me. They mock, sneer, pout, humiliate me. I still had my pride. So I made a choice to make a revenge. My version of revenge is by doing good, and get new experience, gain new knowledge, or make a new achievement. So I did it pretty well. Never mind if they didn’t notice it, the most important thing was I feel better.
And I take truth that was being told as a thing to remind me to keep doing better. But yes, to be honest, it’s totally hurt.